A Blog to keep track of how I am feeling day to day, and what I am up to.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Great Day

Today has been a great day! I have spent most of the day busy, and I have achieved a lot. I certainly feel a lot better for it too.

I had to get up early to go and get a doctor's appointment, and managed it with only a couple of presses of snooze. After having some time for breakfast, I left the house at about 8am to make the appointment - it really annoys me that to make an appointment it easier to walk a mile each way to the surgery than it is to try to get through on the phone. What a pathetic system!

I kinda killed time up to 10:20ish when I had to leave again to go back for my appointment - I do find it hard to motivate myself to do things in these small gaps of time. When I start something I like to finish it there and then, so I tend not to start if I may run out of time. It does often lead to a lot of wasted time.

The Doctor's was a complete farce. They booked me in for a 10:45 appointment, sure it would be OK to be out for my 11am counseling session. 10:45, 10:50, 10:55, 11:00 came and went and I was still not going in to see the doctor. At 11:05 I decided to cancel - I did not wish to miss the counseling - if it starts late, it does not run late, I just lose the time. I was not prepared to do that. The attitude of the receptionist annoyed the hell out of me. She suggested that it was wrong for me to cancel the appointment - how so?
  • They suggested the appointment time
  • They were running late
  • I had to make a wasted trip to book the appointment
  • I was not getting the prescription I needed
  • I will have to walk across again to book another appointment
  • I will have to go back again to see the doctor
What is the inconvenience to them - advising the doctor I cancelled - something he was probably glad of to get back on time somewhat! To add insult to injury, after my counseling, I went back to reception to try to sort it out, and there was no-one there! After much failed coughing to try to attract attention I walked out as Dad was waiting for me. The whole system is a joke, and the reception service stinks. If it was not that Dr. Trewby is so fantastic I would move to a different surgery. I feel completely unmotivated to go back this week as Dr. Trewby is away anyway. I only really want a couple of tablets to keep me going until she comes back on Monday - I do not want to discuss how I am feeling with another doctor. The whole having to have an appointment etc seems a waste of time and resources. I doubt I will go tomorrow, as I cannot be bothered to get up early again. If I am awake I will, but I am not setting my alarm.

On a positive the counseling was really good. Having done this Blog was a real benefit to the session, as I had a clearer picture of how I was feeling, and what was bothering me. I wish I had started this earlier as I feel it could have been really beneficial to the earlier sessions. No point crying over spilt milk I guess.

I also discussed sharing this with my family as planned. I came to no conclusions really, but it was good to talk it through. At the moment I am favouring the idea, as I think the benefits outweigh the negatives as a whole, although I am still worried about damaging the benefit I get from it by not really speaking my mind... Tom is coming for coffee later in the week, so I think I am going to discuss it with him, and decide from there. I need to know if it going to benefit my parents especially.

The rest of the day has been pretty good - I had lunch with my parents, and then stayed at their house to wait for a parcel while they went out to see Roland. It feels good to help them out like that, if even in just a small way. Dad came back quickly as he was just helping get Roland ready to go out. I stayed until the parcel arrived and had a good chat about their planned Ireland holiday, and watched some snooker.

Since then I have been at home, done the washing up that I had left, cooked, and done some more washing before having an evening watching Top Gear, The 4400 and Dragons Den.

Today feels really good - there have been a lot of positives, and of a varied type. I need more days like this.

I wish the whole issue with the Doctor's had not happened - it puts a frustrating blot on the day. Things like this really bug me generally - but particularly at the moment. It is similar to the farce at the job centre about voluntary work - I felt motivated to do some when I went in, but the incompetence and ridiculous bureaucracy left me so frustrated and angry I have still not recovered that motivation. Thinking about it just gives me that whole barrier to overcome again which I just don't want to face.

One step at a time I guess - I need to get back to the Doctors this week. I have considered cutting a couple of tablets in half to keep me going - I know I should not, and am determined not to get into that situation.


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