A Blog to keep track of how I am feeling day to day, and what I am up to.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

A step forward... a Haircut

It's been a while again since I last posted. I got sidetracked with reading and other stuff, and always ended up feeling too tired to post before I went to bed.

Overall I have been feeling pretty down, and have been finding it incredibly hard to get things done. I have a kitchen full of washing up, loads of unopened letters and bills that I can't face, and the rest of my house is a bomb site!

Yesterday I had what I see as a real step forward though. After nearly 18 months of not doing so, I finally went and got my hair cut! Seems like a small thing, but the idea of chatting to the barber was not pleasent. How's the job? What you been up to?.... Not easy questions to answer right now to an almost stranger. I knew I needed it cut, as I was looking more and more like Grizzly Adams, so it made me less presentable to go looking for work if I decided to.

Yesterday, it was really warm, and for one of those reasons I could not put my finger on, I just decided to go and have it cut... if the barbers was quiet. When I got there, there was one person being cut, but no-one waiting. I had hoped to be able to walk straight into the chair... and had planned my timing for that goal. Initially I walked straight past, but then convinced myself it was stupid, and when in. When another person came in, I had to fight the urge to get up and leave. I didn't and in the end it was fine; I had the huge mounds of hair cut off, back to a really short cut that I had when I was more confident. The amount of hair cut off was amazing - a little boy who came in as the barber was finishing off whispered to his mum "Is all that hair off that one man?". Made me smile.

When I got home, I finished the job off, and shaved off my beard as well. I feels kinda weird to be honest... I feel naked without all the hair to hide behind. I my face looks really fat and round which I don't like. All the books talk about losing weight when you are depressed... why not in my case? I could really do with doing so! I have ended up comfort eating instead.

I did feel much better when I got up this morning, although looking in the mirror is still a bit of a shock! So far today has been much better then recently, so hopefully this is a bit of a fresh start?


Blogger m.cellophane said...

Ah. So much in common. When I divorced from my 1st wife, I went through a phase where I didn't cut my hair. Got it out to ponytail length. Then I dyed it red. Yep. I was doing anything to get away from her...including changing myself. I've taken to cutting my own hair to avoid the barber...but when I go to the barber, it's just like you describe! Well, hope this gives you a little pick-me-up feeling. I know I felt tons better after my last haircut. Funny that it has so much of an effect.

5:44 pm


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